Sadness

I was in Cape Breton for a week. It was a hastily planned trip to see my grandmother who was sick in the hospital. She died the morning of our flight in so we missed her by hours.

Its strange how a place I have loved so much and knew only under happy circumstances has become such a source of sadness to me in memory.

Now that I have been back a week I don’t remember most the fun times I tried to have. All I can see is her empty spot in the kitchen, and what I saw at the funeral. I remember her, and I miss her. Her absence jarred my whole experience of Cape Breton.

Although I have come to some sort of peace with her death, there are many moments of disbelief and profound sadness at the realization that she is really, really gone.

I haven’t been a Catholic for very long – its been four years since I was baptized – and while I feel a sense of peace because of my faith I am also experiencing a black hole of fear and doubt.


In any case, my grandmother was a good woman and I will miss her. I am sure I will love Cape Breton again without the sadness I am feeling now.